Conquering Chaos

Ep 16: Self Care with Julie Davey

July 16, 2019 Season 1 Episode 16
Conquering Chaos
Ep 16: Self Care with Julie Davey
Chapters
Conquering Chaos
Ep 16: Self Care with Julie Davey
Jul 16, 2019 Season 1 Episode 16
Erin E Hooley
Self care is health care! Prioritizing our emotional and physical health enables us to show up more fully for those we love.
Show Notes Transcript

If you're a people pleaser, chances are you often find yourself serving those around you  and putting your own needs last. Self care is health care! Prioritizing our emotional and physical health enables us to show up more fully for those we love.



Speaker 1:
0:01
Welcome to the conquering chaos podcast. I'm your host, Aaron e, Julio President and founder of multimillion dollar e-commerce children's clothing line. Bailey's blossoms. So it turns out I'm pretty good at business, but what really lights my soul on fire is providing other entrepreneurs and mompreneurs with the tools they need to truly succeed. So if you have a business or have one on your heart, you're in good company, pull up a chair or dropping some earbuds and let's conquer some chaos today.
Speaker 2:
0:29
All right guys, we've all heard things like you are. What you eat at a healthy body is a healthy mind. But if you're anything like me, you understand that understanding and doing are two very different things. I give and I give and I give, but I'm often the last person I give to. And at the end of the day, I'm becoming increasingly more aware of the effects that years of passive health and wellness are having on me, my body, my mind, and my ability to show up to the best of my ability. So if you're resonating with any of this and you struggle with energy or weight or emotional eating or whatever it happens to be, this episode is for you. We have Julie in the house and she is a wife and a mom of twins with over 20 years in the healthcare industry. She is a natural health educator with a passion for holistic wellness. She is the founder and Co owner of natural shift helping women upgrade their habits and the host of the take the upgrade podcast. So Julie, welcome to the show. Thank you Aaron for having me on. I'm really excited to have this conversation with you. It's great to have you here. So I, and I have to know why health and wellness. And has it always been that for you or has this been a progressional thing?
Speaker 3:
1:37
That's a great question. So I started my career in health care, Gosh, about 22, three years ago. I started out in nursing and really just one. It was always interested in health, but really just wanted to, to serve others in, uh, you know, the best way that I could. And so I went to nursing school and then I went back to nurse practitioner school. And while that was fulfilling and I loved it, I started to really notice what the effects of our traditional medical system and you know, some of the medications that we prescribe do and our on our health. So at that point, this was about probably six years ago, I really started to dive more into natural tools and how we can support our body naturally. Um, and really took a more holistic approach to health. Now in terms of, you know, wellness in general, I've always kind of been, as long as I can remember anyway, really into exercise, you know, moving my body every day because I knew it made me feel so good. And then also I love to eat. I'm just going to be honest with
Speaker 2:
2:48
dude, you and me both girl.
Speaker 3:
2:52
So it's like, you know, but, but we have to fuel our bodies with the right food if we want to feel great. So, right. That was kind of already part of my daily lifestyle. And then, uh, I kind of was introduced to essential oils and natural tools. And then that's really when my career took a different path, um, kind of really a totally opposite path. And I started educating the community friends on how to incorporate these natural tools into their life and that has kind of, you know, continued on and also, um, moved a little bit into educating on how to fuel our bodies in a healthy way and not spend a ton of the time, 10 of your time in the kitchen because everybody is so busy that
Speaker 2:
3:39
there are so many times the, I often go into the kitchen, my kids or my mom, I'm hungry and I'm going, oh wait, it's seven o'clock. Oh yes, I guess I do need to feed you who wants cereal? It's terrible. So what does that look like? What is the plan that you've kind of structured look like for, um, those, that you're coaching into this new lifestyle, whether they have it and then I'm trying to improve it or whether it's a new concept altogether?
Speaker 3:
4:04
Yeah, that's a great question. So what I've developed is a program called in the kitchen with Julie and, and this really came out of what I have learned over, Gosh, probably the past 10 or more years. Um, my, my kids are about to be 13, so people when they were little back then, it was really popular to like make your own baby food and you know, the thing. Um, but that was really important to me. So I was, that's what I was doing. I was like making their own baby food and you know, you know, as they grew I was, you know, very conscious of what they put in their body, but recognized that, gosh, that takes a lot of time. Right. And yes, and I would get, you know, kind of like exhausted. I even remember at one point my husband said to me, will you add, I must have been complaining about something about being in the kitchen or something.
Speaker 3:
4:59
And he said, but you love to cook. And it was almost like a light bulb went off. I said, you know, it's not necessarily that I love the act of cooking. I just like to eat good food and I want to feed us and fuel our bodies with good foods. So I started at that point thinking, how can I make this easier for myself and get in and out of the kitchen quicker. So I just started to kind of, um, test out different systems so to speak and see kind of, you know, what worked for me. And so now I have developed a system that gets me in and out of the kitchen quick. I, I tell people, you know, who joined my program, uh, I get a lot of questions of, is it for who is this for? Do I have to have some skill when I come in?
Speaker 3:
5:47
What about I don't even know how to cook or prepare a healthy meal. And it's really, you know, for anybody, any, any, um, level can come into the group and we just build on, you know, the skills that you already have. But the idea is that I don't do the traditional meal prep and, and there's nothing wrong with that. It just takes a lot of time. So I like to create pockets of time around what I'm already doing in the kitchen. And that's one of the ways that I get in and out really quick. What does that look like? Yeah, so it might look like, let's say, I know that I'm going to have, well, let, let's back up. One of the, the keys is to plan, right? And I hear from a lot of people like, well, I'm just not a planner. Right? Well, you know, you don't have to be like this massive, amazing planner.
Speaker 3:
6:39
All it means is you take a look at your week ahead and you go, okay, I know that Monday night I'm going to have, you know, maybe, maybe 30 minutes to spend cooking a meal and gotta have something really quick. Tuesday, I'm not, we're going to be running in from practices, I'm going to be working late. I need something prepared ahead of time. So you're just kind of looking at your week and you're deciding, you know, where do you have little bits of time that you can spend cooking dinner? So you're not always finding yourself in a drive through or, or eating cereal with. Totally happened.
Speaker 2:
7:11
Oh, it totally happens. And in one of the things that I do that I love the most is when I'm making something, let's say I'm making chicken enchiladas, I'll just make three batches and put two of them in the freezer. So then if I have a night where I'm going, oh crud. And then I just pull it out and no harm, no foul. And if we feel so much better, but the reality, at least for me is that I get so busy and I'm running, I'm running and I'm running and often foregoing breakfast. Sometimes I'm foregoing lunch and then by the time I sit down to eat something, I'm so ravenously hungry. I put everything around me in my mouth. And that is, that's a terrible habit. And now I'm trying to back myself out of this and start to preplan myself caring enough because I can feel it.
Speaker 2:
7:59
I feel it at one o'clock to three o'clock in the afternoon where I hit a wall about a mile thick or a heel. I feel it with the brain fog and the forgetting things. And that drives me crazy when I don't feel like I'm in control of my body and my mind. But it just takes a little bit of preplanning because in the very day, in the first morning where I decide to be on top of it, I feel it all day long and it's incredible. So you would think that it would be easy to continually progress on this, on this path, but these habits that we do that are in conflict with self care, whether it's emotional eating or whatever it happens to be, that's my poison of choice. Um, it, it becomes a detrimental spiral and we need to kickstart ourselves out of that. So what advice do you have for people that may be stuck in that Rut?
Speaker 3:
8:51
Yeah, absolutely. And, and you know, I'm so glad that you shared that Aaron, because this is a real big struggle for a lot of people. I mean, I've certainly struggled with this, you know, from time to time. So I think the key here is something that you mentioned. It's creating that habit, right? Which does not happen overnight. I mean, we know that, but I really believe that it's in the daily habits that lead to the real progress and the lasting change. You know, when I'm looking at creating a habit, I think, how can I anchor this habit to another habit I already have? So if you think about it in these terms, because really everything that we do, whether it's good or bad, most everything is subconscious and it is a habit no matter what it is. Throughout our day, we're constantly, everything that we're doing really comes out of habit.
Speaker 3:
9:42
We're more on autopilot. Yes, yes, absolutely. And so going back to your original question about, you know, what does that look like creating these pockets of time. This is one way to kind of anchor in some habits. So let's say I'm going to go in, it's Monday. I have looked at my week and I know, okay, I've got about 30 minutes to fix dinner tonight. I've already, you know, decided what I'm going to make. So, you know, that's planned out for me. So I go into the kitchen, I'm getting my dinner together. What I'll do is I'll go ahead and I'll make lunches for the next day. I'll maybe make breakfast for the next day, like some overnight oats. I'll have the kids come in and help me do that so that I'm not spending all of my time doing that. We're doing it together as a family because I'm already in there making dinner. So I'm kind of kind of multitasking a little bit and I'm always kind of thinking ahead to the next day and that's become a habit. So kind of maybe trying to anchor that to when you're in the kitchen preparing dinner, think, okay, what's for lunch tomorrow? Let me go ahead and prep that. Maybe it's a healthy salad, maybe it's some kind of sandwich, something like that. But go ahead and try to anchor that habit too when you're in the kitchen. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:
10:59
I love that. Anytime where I have planned out what I'm going to eat, I don't reactively stuff myself on and typically whenever I reactively stop myself, it's always going to be the candy, the junk food, whatever is in the house that I shouldn't be eating. And then I always end up regretting it always. But there's this emotional cycle that happens and I bet there's a book, the the power of habit, I don't know if you've read it, but it's fantastic and it talks about how we do exactly like what you were saying. We live in this world of autopilot. We don't realize exactly how much of our day we're not being intentional about, but we're reactively doing things based off of habits that we've had for years that we may not even recognize that we have. The habit loop is there and it's not going to go away. And it's really hard to just extract it and move it because something has to be in its place. So the, instead of trying to extract and remove it, you have to just change it ever so slightly. So the beginning stays the same, which is the cue, which starts the habit. The ending stays the same, which is the reward, but it's the action in the middle that we need to change.
Speaker 3:
12:07
MMM. Yes, absolutely. And I, and I love that you brought up changing the habits. I like to think about it like, okay, where if I have this habit that I know, like you're talking about, you know, when you're, when you get so hungry and you're reaching for all the junk food, because that's, that's just like human nature. That's how your body feels and you're just revving us and you're just right or whatever. It not thinking about like, oh, I need to, you know, stop this and change it. Think about how you can replace that habit with a healthier habit. So I kind of like to see, okay, and just one of the easiest, most simple examples that I give to this is people who drink a lot of sodas. We know that they're not good for us, but people, you know, it's an addiction, right? Right. So think about, okay, if you drink five sodas a day and you know, you know, I need to start drinking more water, sometimes it's too daunting to say, okay, I'm never going to drink a soda again. Right. You know, like, let's be dirty tomorrow. So I like to say, why don't you replace one of those sodas with one glass of water? Like that's totally doable. That doesn't seem overwhelming. That doesn't seem too daunting. And then, you know, go from there, do that for a few days, then replace two. And then what happens is you start to feel so much better, you start to feel amazing and then you're slowly creating that habit. Because if we try to take it on too much at one time, then usually we fail a lot.
Speaker 2:
13:40
[inaudible] all or nothing becomes nothing more often than not lately. And I've heard, and I, you know, it's funny because we joke about it, but the number of times, and my husband would roll his eyes if he was listening to this right now where I go, I'm never eating sugar again starting tomorrow. So therefore I need to eat all the sugar in the house of today so that I'm not tempted tomorrow. And I, but you dissect that and you're going, Oh my word, that's so messed up. If you were to put a check mark on a, on a paper for every time that we repeat those defaults, I think we would be shocked with ourselves.
Speaker 3:
14:16
And it's a lifelong process. It's not a, you know, oh I have all of these amazing habits and uh, you know, I never make a mistake. Oh my goodness. You know, I don't know how many times I have Jay just talking about food and sugar is my weakness. So I totally like, I get it. It's like it's a drug. It's like a drug. It is. I can remember being in my pantry when my kids were little and I would be eating chocolate chip.
Speaker 2:
14:43
They're semisweet and you're like, I don't even really like these, but I'm gonna eat them anyways cause all that. I got ugly and knocking on the door. What are you doing there? I'm like, nothing. Thank you. Because I didn't want them to have any, I'm shoving them all in my mouth. Oh my word. No, I'm so been there. Okay. So, so what are some things, obviously in being intentional time pockets, I'm planning out your meals so that when you're, when that trigger of I'm hungry comes, your mind already knows where you're going. So you don't have to reach for something reactively that's most likely going to be a bad choice. Um, what other habits have you instilled in your life that have made big changes for you
Speaker 3:
15:23
fueling your body with healthy food? Like you said, you're going to feel so much better. You're going to have the mental clarity, you're going to have the energy. Um, and you have lack of all of that when you're filling your body, you know, with junk. But I think as mamas especially, we don't take the time to just invest in ourselves in general. We're so busy investing in everyone else or so busy taking care of everyone else that we just overlook ourselves. Or I used to struggle with this, we feel guilty for doing it. It's terrible.
Speaker 2:
15:58
Or we give ourself the bread crumbs that we eat, the bread crumbs, then we feel guilty for even touching those.
Speaker 3:
16:02
Yeah, absolutely. And it's like, you know, I remember I used to um, occasionally want to go and get a massage and I would think, oh, I can't do that. Like it, it almost like I wasn't worth that. And I think that that's what it comes down to. Like we have to know our value and our worth and know that we are worth investing in and that when we do, that's when we can really be the best version of ourselves and serve everyone else in our life in a better way. I love it.
Speaker 2:
16:33
Absolutely. You know, I've always said that living a passionate life is non negotiable. And I've had people push back on that and say, well, maybe that's, maybe that's your problem. Maybe that's overzealous. Maybe you need to be content with mediocre. And I'm like, you know what? I can't. No, absolutely not. We would never tell our kids be content with mediocre [inaudible] be content with being less than happy. And yet we unintentionally tell ourselves that all the time. I need to make everyone else's lives perfect. But my own, my own happiness, my own emotional, mental, physical health is not worth my time and effort and energy and resources. But when we dipped that focus, oh my goodness, what we can accomplish for the people that we love, what we can accomplish within our work or within our family and our relationships and just even on a personal level become so much more incredible.
Speaker 3:
17:27
Yes, absolutely. And you know, I find that really if we're here and as moms especially, uh, we're, you know, thinking about our family and how to serve them and we're, you know, thinking about all of their needs really, we are providing more for them by investing in ourselves, right? What happens when, let's just take the eating for instance. I eat a bunch of junk. I don't have mental clarity. I don't have energy. I'm irritable. So what's going to happen when one of my kids comes and ask me something? I'm going to snap at them. I'm going to not be in a good mood. And that's not serving them in the best way I can. So I think sometimes we have to, especially as women, just shift our mindset a little bit and say, okay, this is really an investment not only for me but for them as well because I know that I'm going to show up as the best version of myself to serve them, you know, in the way that I want to when I invest in me first.
Speaker 3:
18:27
Absolutely. There was a, um, an analogy that I heard and I can't remember where I heard it from, but consider a vase and you think about yourself as this vase and water's being poured into all the time. And that's the stuff that you're giving to yourself that you're getting from your faith and from your, from your exercise, from eating whatever it is. And yet we as women, we naturally tip ourselves over and we pour and we pour it all back into everybody else. And we're like, here, we're just going to give it away. We're going to give it all away. And eventually you, you, when a vase is being tipped and tipped and tipped and tipped and tipped, eventually it's going to fall over and it's going to crack. It's going to break. But if you are a vase and you're standing tall and you're standing confident, you're sending proud, and you're allowing yourself to be filled to the point that now you're filled to the brim and you're overflowing.
Speaker 3:
19:10
Well now you're still filling everyone around you without having it come at the expense of yourself. Yes, I love that analogy. Without draining yourself, giving everything and not having anything left and, and cracking, I mean, like really, you know, you know, you can have a really, uh, have a breakdown from not investing in yourself and not taking time for yourself. So, you know, it's just some of the ways that I like to do that are fueling my body. Also making sure that I get enough sleep, which I know is so hard when you have littles. I get it. You know, I remember those days and I know that it's, that it's hard, but doing the best that you can, seven to nine hours of good deep sleep, you're going to feel so much better rejuvenated, um, exercise. Even, even just, just moving your body for 30 minutes a day or even going outside and playing a basketball game with your kids, if that, that's what it means.
Speaker 3:
20:08
We're going to be so much healthier. And I really believe that self care is healthcare. I mean, I truly believe that in the morning. For me it's really important to get up before everyone else because I'm the same way. It makes such a huge difference to get that headstart to start your day with intention and before everybody else is agendas and needs takeover yours. Yes. You F I feel as though you have to really, this is a good time to fill your cup before again, you're, you know, you're giving to everyone else. So I like to, uh, you know, start my day with prayer and devotion and I like to journal. Um, I'm trying to get better. One of my goals is to get better about meditation, um, because I kind of tend to work a lot and I don't want it.
Speaker 2:
21:01
So you're an entrepreneur. Yeah. You know what I mean? I guess I do. I speak that language beautifully or not so beautifully. Yeah. It's a journey, right? It's, yes, it is. It is a journey.
Speaker 3:
21:15
And then, you know, doing things like making sure I'm drinking lots of water. I'm also taking a relaxing bath at night. I mean, just like shut the door, lock the door, give yourself 30 minutes in a relaxing bath, you know, at time,
Speaker 2:
21:31
just be alone with your own thoughts, decompress, and be able to just, just be, you know, it's funny, I have, I have a sign that I purchased, it says live simply, and it's in my guest bathroom. And at the time I bought it, I was running Bailey's blossoms out of my house. And when my team came in and saw it, they all just started laughing. They're like, that's ironic that you would put that up there when you can't just be still for two seconds. And when they said that, I'm like, Oh my word, you're right. I really do have a hard time being still. And so I'm trying to be very aware of that and just to slow down enough to just have moments every day where I'm just still, when I'm just still, and then when I do get up and go, I can go with full purpose of heart, but it's really hard to go was fast and furious if you never allow yourself to stop and breathe [inaudible]
Speaker 3:
22:26
absolutely. And it just reminded me of that a little saying that we are human beings, not human doings
Speaker 2:
22:34
or human machines. Right, exactly. Oh my goodness, I love it. Yeah. And I'm a huge proponent of visualization. So if for example, I'm struggling with the choice, I'm trying to make a life habit change, and yet the, the pull, the weight of, of, of the habit is really difficult to overcome. If I can get myself in the zone and I can think three, four, or five steps ahead, I know that it might lead to tears. I know that I might end up having an emotional breakdown or that I might snap at my children and tell them they have to go to bed before seven o'clock because I'm going to turn into a monster. Um, you know, if I can visualize that, and in contrast, if I make this choice over here, what does that outcome look like? And then you can choose what do I want today? What do I want from me? What do I want for my kids? What do I want for my spouse? What do I want my output to look like? And that can help you make a little bit of a clearer decision because then it becomes not reactive. It becomes a choice. The more we can visualize, the more we put it into context for us to say, okay, I know what this looks like. And you play out the situation in your mind and then you decide, am I okay with that? And if not, then there's
Speaker 3:
23:46
this other alternative. Let's take that route instead. Yes, I love it. It that, that totally reminds me of what I always think when I see like donuts or, cause when we're at our, in my clinical practice, I still practice clinically one day per week just to kind of maintain my skills. And so I see patients and we always have a lot of pharmaceutical reps bringing, you know, treats in [inaudible] and good beads and all of this. And I used to eat those until one, you know, I, I really just felt so bad one day and had such a lack of mental clarity seeing patients. I said to myself that day, I am never going to do this again. And never is a really strong word. It's not one that I like to use a lot. Right. But you recognized you weren't showing up to the degree that you needed to in those moments.
Speaker 3:
24:34
Yes, exactly. And so now when I see those, those treats, cookies, cakes, all that, I just look at them and recall that memory and think that looks and smells so much better than it will ever make me feel. And so attaching to that feeling that you want or, or detaching to the feeling you don't want, I think is key. So I love that. Love that you said that. That's awesome. I love it. Okay. So if you were just starting out, what advice would you give yourself? Just in general? I wish that I probably would have known that everything that I thought was a big deal really wasn't a big deal. And then if you know a truth for all of us, oh my goodness, whether we're talking about parenting or, or we're talking about business, you know, entrepreneurship really, it's all about the journey and the joy in the journey.
Speaker 3:
25:29
And if we can connect to that and not be so focused on, you know, the outcome and, and not that, not that I don't set goals and I think that it's great to have goals, but not to be obsessed with the goal and the outcome. I think that that in general, um, maybe I would have been so much happier in the journey if I would've known that a long time ago. I love it. So where, can everyone find more of you? Yeah, so I am on Instagram at Julie and Davey, a n n, Davy Dav y and I'm on Facebook at a natural shift with Julie. And actually Aaron, this might be something that your listeners are interested in. We have a, um, it's a free downloadable, a self care checklist to where you can kind of, you know, put the this visual in front of you and on it we have things like, you know, sleep movement, um, taking a relaxing bath, nourishing your body with whole foods and plenty of water. Um, and then some upgrades, like maybe getting a massage, um, going to coffee with a friend, like whatever fills you up and helps you to really love that. Yeah. Invest in yourself. So I'm on a natural shift.com. I, if anyone wants to download that, it's under free printables.
Speaker 2:
26:50
Oh, I love that. Thank you. Yeah, I love the concept of, of tracking yourself, grading yourself where you are now making and setting goals to where you want to be and then track your progress along the way. And one of the biggest things that I know for me is, again, back to that all or nothing, we need to set goals for ourselves that are attainable, break it down and give ourselves grace if it's not 100% if we, if we fell short of our, of where we wanted to be today, that doesn't mean that we have to start from ground zero. It doesn't mean that we're starting our path in our journey all the way from from square one. Again, we're picking up the pieces from where we're at right now and we continue to move
Speaker 3:
27:27
forward. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:
27:30
Awesome. Well, Julie, thank you so much for your time. This has been, this has been fantastic and very beneficial to me and I know too many of our listeners as well.
Speaker 1:
27:37
Thank you Aaron for having me on. I really loved our conversation. Thank you for taking the time to connect with me here on the conquering chaos podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, will you please take a moment to leave a review? It's the fuel to my fire and lets me know that my efforts to enact change and broaden your perspective of what's possible matter. Thank you so much for your support. If you want more content like this, don't forget to subscribe and connect with me on social media@aaronehooliorataaronequally.com have APN tastic day. Get out there and congressman chaos.
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